Separate but Not

When you are part of a dysfunctional family and most us are, you look at those that openly engage in each other’s life as being the exception to the normal. Everyone wants to believe that their family; siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, in-laws, outlaws and any and every one remotely connected; fall within the range of normal. I giggle and eye roll a lot because if you peel back the flowery veneer you get to see all the hidden going ons , things being done and remarks being said. Hurt feelings not being dealt with, resentments, fight for control and a great deal of shaming, blaming and pretending that everything is just peachy keen.

  I am convinced that every family unit has one or more individuals that make nice in front other people but unless prompted or pulled into one another’s vortex, they occasionally engage into each other’s lives. Some mouths have already dropped at the mere mention of this dysfunction because after all in most family’s image trumps reality. The perfect parent, child, sibling, aunt/uncle, grandparent, cousin is still something most strive to be but so many come up short in. It’s okay not to be perfect and within reason not to have the flowery relationship with family members. Getting along with other people in general is difficult, being related can sometimes layer on more stress/pressure or lessen the severity.

  All I can say is if there is a wrinkle that can be ironed out or addressed early on, be brave and do it. The longer an issue goes on the gap grows too wide to even build a bridge to help cross over. Hurt feelings may wax and wane but they don’t die. I don’t believe in the “Perfect Family” or even in the perfect relationship. If you don’t have the Brady Bunch Family family… it’s okay