Lesson Served


I just got served yet another in your face lesson about expectation and obligation. Most of the time I have been the one holding and disseminating expectation and obligation out to those who I bonded with. For the most part I have been the one that tried to paint those I care about into corners without a large margin of success. For those that did fold into for filling a need, it left a gap which fed into a greedy need to control or manipulate. I have been by a few put in my place, alerting me to my position in relation to them; meaning they were not under any legal or moral or emotional contract to jump through my hoops of fire.

  Friendship, unlike a marriage or a committed relationship really doesn’t have any written or concrete bindings. No relationship whether it be platonic or romantic lives without obstacles or disruption. When expectation or obligation, a hidden agenda becomes the foundation of that relationship the longevity of that relationship is often doomed. I do believe that if the relationship is meant to be it can sustain the mental and emotional obstacle course even some of the demands that we place on it.

   I have met people that blew in and quickly blew back out and the other way around, the chemistry between us wasn’t right. The ones that have survived my unbalanced behaviors and theirs, well, I feel blessed and comfortable but not too comfortable that I take for granted their presence in my life. With that being said I confess that I have out of a need or blind fear painted those I care about into corners trying to make them feel guilty for not being available when I snap my fingers. I always think that because I don’t lead a hectic full life and have time to respond back in a Nano second to those around me that they should do the same; that way of thinking often gets me into hot water and rarely works out.

  Short story long here; I have been the culprit many times thinking a friend or even a family member owed me something because I did something nice for them or had their back at some point. Like emotional investments, hoping one day I would be able to take out what I thought I earned. I have always felt that people and circumstance are for growth and learning, both the ones we love and the ones that grate on our nerves. I just got served recently with a lesson on what it feels like to be under such heavy obligation to be or remain a friend. I now know the pressure I have placed on other people’s shoulders.

    It has been said that until it happens to you, you can’t understand. I understand, I get it.

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