The Difference


I may not lead an advent full life, there is not an ongoing go here and do this. I would like more stimulation and options but I bite into all the motivation and inspiration I pull from the internet or through other people around me, I’m in charge of stirring up my own event calendar. I have overseen my own entertainment since I was a teenager. In fact, I have been responsible for my own happiness and wellbeing since I became an adult but really feel that all that began in my teens as well.

   I saw people then and more so now that draw their sense of wellbeing through other people. Their balance and security are neatly sewn in through the fabric of one or more people. I have tried throughout the years to find someone to take care of me and balance me out, keep safe and entertained but all the people I have been drawn to were false flames and had trap door bottoms. I even went through a couple time periods where I didn’t even try, I accepted that I was different. I have always believed as I do now that if something is going to happen or meant to be and it will happen with or without your permission.

   Even with all my wisdom and know -how and access even my mediocre acceptance of who I am, I still find myself, a lot more now than before, searching for someone to help lift me out of my rut and stir some excitement into it. Since I have been the master of my own entertainment for a very long time I don’t always embrace reach outs or invites. I would love to be shaken and stirred but because it hasn’t happened often enough to recognize it, I will say or do something to sabotage it or politely shy away. I have had a couple of shaken and stir moments over the past years which were moments not a foundation for something secure or long lasting. I am once again on the hunt and not just on a personal level.

  There are many around me that don’t have to work at mastering their own entertainment, seas part and doors open for them without really trying. I am partially envious but grateful because I have heard the word NO, I have been denied, rejected and last on the list selected which has toughened me up. I feel those that never hear NO or get everything or totally rely on someone or other people for their happiness have a rougher time handling time alone or independence; then again not all are selected for that walk.

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