Playing Possum

I always seem to be the neutral hearing recipient of an ongoing feud between the A’s and the B’s. I consider myself neutral because the battle doesn’t really involve me and I try to keep it that way. There is a whole mess of displaced feelings and opinions and a splash or two of enabling and disabling in both camps and yes, I do have my own opinions and feelings on both the feud and the camps; the A’s and the B’s but if I want to remain neutral I try not to voice any of them.

  I learned some time ago and even recently that my perception and heartfelt feelings don’t really match the supporters of camp A or B but I think I have some of both camps blended in and because I’m a neutral party I can understand the hurt and angst of both. On other situations where I infused my opinion or perception I met up with the enabling protection wall and I am sure that stirred up eyebrows being raised on where I stood in the inner circle.

  The frustrating part of being the listener is that while I’m listening I do form some thin layer of judgement for both camps and the protection force and because I’m not allowing what could pull me straight into the mess, I hold inside what I so want to express, what I think should be heard. I am often left with all these frustrating thoughts and nowhere to offload them. In a way, I have been pulled in because of association. Since the actual feud doesn’t really involve me I really must brain wash myself to shake it all off and allow the sides to work it out without me throwing in my two cents. I know one side would like to me totally agree and build resentment for support of irrational behavior on the other side but until it spills over into my personal space or affects me, I will swallow what I think or feel and not get involved.

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