Suddenly it just Popped


I always think I have the right to demand another person’s full attention. I fall very often into the concept that if I am open and available so must be the people in my inner circle or outer circle for that matter. Although it may be a knee jerk reaction to want more of something or someone that brings pleasure it is not always appropriate to try and manipulate the situation to your advantage. Lessons lightly learned then repeated really means that at the moment you understood then out of greed or fear or even control issues, everything you thought you had down pat blows away in the wind and it comes back to nip you in the butt. The recycling of negative behavior can be broken but you have to stop playing wounded victim and look deep within and get truly deeply earth shattering honest with yourself. It doesn’t begin and end in someone else’s hand as we surfacely believe, it’s within us.

  I have a twin flame that crossed my path over seven years ago and my virtual relationship with him has had a series of extreme highs and gut wrenching lows. We had gotten really close then pulled apart which felt like a seven year ride on an amusement ride which friends and family begged me to get off because of the way it affected me. I was totally pulled in by his wit and his playfulness and I even endured his cold and aloof and controlling overtones. I tried desperately to color inside the lines he very clearly drew as to not lose his friendship. When I was trying to monopolize his time or drain his energy we got along like two peas in a pod. There was a deep connection and intense bonding, I would even say love. When I tried to blur the lines and possess him he somehow would sense that and pull away and that devastate me and it would further cast him away.

  Just recently after two years of absolute no contact on his behalf he returned and my world opened up again. All sorts of things danced around in my head and before anything got reestablished he once again outlined some rules and at the time I agreed to them and understood them to the best of my knowledge. Well somewhere along the line we had gotten close again and he did spend some time with me but I wanted more. In the frantic push to try to force him into my needs I without really thinking of any of the consciences or how it may appear to him ignored common sense and even after some wrinkles were ironed out I foolishly pushed for something he didn’t want to do and I ended showing him again that I heard his outline in the beginning of his return but I clearly didn’t understand or accepted it. I once again tried to blur the lines to attain more than what he was able or willing to give and now we are apart again.

   Due to the mere fact that he is a twin flame and not a potential lover and because I suddenly had a epiphany as to why things went downhill so quickly this time; he will be back. Not so much in the time frame I would like but while his force field is up I am regaining control of my own self and restoring my energies and I finally get it now.  He was never meant to be my boyfriend or lover but something more profound and deeper. Through him I learn to correct and or learn and he too from me, things that hold us back from experiencing all that we should. I now have to put my patience boots on and be ready when he returns.

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