Laying Down My Sword


For the longest time I held him close

I painted his heart and soul to be more colorful

I envisioned him enjoying me as I did him

In between the laughter there were many tears

Under the distraction of edging out loneliness

I felt alive in his presence yet desperate for a sense of belonging

I protected all his harshness and gave in to all his insecurities

But he never was able to understand or forgive mine

I made myself a prisoner in a cycle that lifted and drained me

Then out of an overblown cry for control

Not being left out

Some exaggerated need unbeknown at the moment to myself

I saw his true colors and it all came clear

He had hoarded all control while I completely lost control

For that splash of laughter or momentary distraction

I confused manipulation for something deeper

Now I wonder if all these years that I professed great love for him

If it was just a power struggle to gain control

And now I lay down my sword and leave the battlefield

......lisa c

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