Iced Out But Leveled Up
I set out this weekend earlier this past week to hopefully spend
some time with someone I was oddly attracted to. I say oddly because this
person spent all of our talk time trying to figure out my angle and totally
distrusting everything about me. I normally don’t waste my time with individuals
like that. When our paths crossed I was unsure what to make of him but he was
kind of fun to hang out with and even though he would have a good time with me
when we chatted there was always this layer of distrust on his part due to
prior encounters. I over stepped my inner voice at the start because I know
from personal experience that nastiest people have a nice side to them and if
you give them a chance, get them to relax, get past the thorns; they are not
bad people. I really didn’t set my goal on trying to remove his thorns I really
just wanted someone to hang out with for a bit.
Just when I thought I
had gotten through some icy layer’s things turned upside down. At first I felt
the much needed push back, the deafening silence. Most men use that silence tactic
because women are big on communication. The soft voice from within me kept
telling that I was liking this person’s company way too much and back off but
much like opening a bag of chips it’s hard to stop at just one or two then put
the bag away and because you didn’t moderate your intake it causes disruption
on your body. I didn’t listen and I got too comfortable and proceeded throwing
caution to the wind. Instead of melting through another layer of ice and
re-enforced the remaining layers. I was iced out.
I tapped into a
higher source to try to find out why the sudden change and I was given some
brutal insight. Truth is, I kind of knew deep down what was revealed to me but
it still hurt like hell to have it laid out to me. I was given perception of
his mindset and properly laid out in lavender about something about me that was
hard to swallow but I needed to hear that. Like most things that are beneficial
for us both mentally, emotionally and physically being disciplined enough to
cut the cord is so much easier said than done. Since my higher source
conversation, which by the way I am still digesting and processing, I have gone
back in and made some tweaks, adjustments hopefully this time I can stick with
it.
People do come and
go in one’s life, some stay longer and some vanish before we get our next word
out. I knew from the beginning this guy was not relationship material and
nothing substantial would formulate and I kept asking myself what the
attraction was and he even questioned why I liked him. I could not give him or
myself at the time a definitive answer, I really didn’t understand. I kept
trying to convince myself he was an empty void filler which I guess in many
ways he was. Now I get it, he was not meant to be my friend, definitely not
meant to be lovers and not thrown in my path to hurt me. He brought me to a
place where I was given a jagged pill to
swallow and level up.
Valentine’s day
goes beyond love between people, it really starts from within. That was my
lesson and he was one of many catalysts that keeps bringing me back to love and
respect myself first. Sounds easy but even that takes discipline.