In Closing


I thought about closure, how hanging on to something that longer is perhaps never really was, can only keep me where I am. I have been singing that song for quite a while but I realize now, well I believe this time I mean it. What separates all the other times to now be that I will admit instead of deny even though it’s been bled through almost of my writings, that I have been angry at you. I was hurt and angered how you treated me while you were around then conveniently disconnected when I needed you the most. I want to say I never saw that coming but that would be a lie, I did so I spent a great deal of time being angry at myself too for knowing better but not accepting the truth.

   I am going to now take the advice I would have shared with a close friend, to forgive and let go. I had let go, so I thought, many times only to find myself back at romanticizing the few fragments of kindness then adding more logs to the angry fire burning inside. I may not be able to immediately change my other realities so easily but this I’m ready to do.

   I don’t want to be angry and hurt any more, I’m done. I understand why you did what you did. I forgive you. I will never understand YOU in general but I’m not so sure I was meant to. I forgive myself for knowing better but not heading the advice I would offer to someone else. The angst and the hurt and the gut clenching hope of a maybe lead to some amazing poetry. I don’t want to hang onto the thunder and rain for poetic license anymore. On the horizon I see the sun, from this day forward I will be chasing light and warmth.  Goodbye British Butterfly

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