seasons of wisdom

Sometimes a person can get caught up in their present by their past. Allowing past hurts to cripple their present even their future. I have belonged to that club for a long time. I have had minimal spurts of growth and happiness while I watched those around prosper.  I am not unique because there are way too many like me out there that live an existing life and hide behind people and things that are safe and bind them to a third of what is available. I don’t have all the answers, I am not some Zen Goddess that has figured out how to maneuver around life without bumping into disappointment or failure. To be honest I think life is a combination cocktail of both bad and good and those that believe that life is one huge happy hour with free flowing drinks and eats and perpetual happiness are somewhat delusional.

    Not that I think people should throw themselves in situations that causes harm to themselves or people around them but wrapping themselves in bubble wrap avoiding whatever life throws at them isn’t all that realistic either. Making mistakes whether it be at school, work in relationships only highlights where your weaknesses are and what you need to work on, not to beat you down or make you feel worthless, although there are some mean spirited people out there that are way too willing to do that.  From an early age we are taught to get all the answers right, get top scores and to rewarded for jumping through academic hoops.

    Mistakes and disappointments even tragic events will happen in life and if by chance you grow up in an environment where you get everything you want and are shielded from upset, you will meet up with a series of them once you step into adulthood; the real world. Life and love are ongoing living experiences and nobody regardless of monetary wealth, physical beauty or status, education or even street smarts can avoid some kind of suffering at least once in their lifetime.

   I bring all this up because I liken myself to a tree that goes through continual changes. In the fall the leaves dry up and fall to the ground, the winter the branches left bare, the spring buds form and burst open with new life and the summer the trees are full with beauty and life. People go through similar changes too but most people resist change especially if it leaves them bare fearing new growth. I have been going through a lot of changes and yes, a lot of resisting too. I have had to accept what is no longer present in my life and hold my hand and mind open for something new and better. I am worthy of more than what I am getting right now but I refuse to walk around in the attitude that the good life is owed to me somehow because I went through some shit in the past.  I wish I had woken up ten or twenty years ago from this mediocre coma I had put myself in and had the wisdom I seem to be leaning on now. Had the proverbial rug not been snatched from beneath my feet and threw me into this vortex of trial and error I most likely would not have gained such wisdom.