Listen Up

A while back I was chatting with someone I cared for dearly. He was as moody as I am and conversations dwelled mostly about me. I knew very little about his personal life and I was more than curious to find out why he was like he was, so reluctant to open up. Anyways, one evening I started to wear him down and he had begun to open up to me what happened and why he was so stuck. He had finally felt comfortable enough with me to reveal and he was on the way to do when I interjected and went on about a similar experience.  In my head I wanted to let him know that I understood but he suddenly stopped and went off on me accusing me of making his experience about me. At the time of course I didn’t see it that way. It wasn’t until a year or so after even now that I see what he saw. How he felt when I was pouring out his heart to me and I interrupt and go on about me.

    I researched my behavior and found out that I did that a lot with most people, I was really unaware I was doing that until my chat mate pointed it out to me. After going through some personal mini crises and pouring my heart out to people close to me, I noticed where I get that from. Not a great deal of listening goes on because everyone is perched for one upping each other.  If I said oh I fell and scanned my knee before I was finished telling my story I would get oh well so and so had to get a knee replacement, Instead of getting perhaps some sympathy or allowing me to finish my story I was cut off and now the story is about themselves or someone else.

    Some will argue that is what a conversation is about and yes to an extent I agree. Sharing of personal experiences in similar situations can be beneficial providing the one with a burden to bare or a need is at a point where interjection is called for. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been right in the middle of revealing something heart felt and been cut off or have it turned around to something the other party is going through. I know how angry and hurt I get when it’s done to me and can only imagine what someone else thinks or feels when I do that to them.

    I never did get to hear the rest of my chat mate’s story all because I was so anxious, maybe fearful of not being able to share my similar experience. Sometimes the art of conversation needs to take a backseat to the art of listening. Imagine the kind of things you might end up hearing of you just listen and not make everything about you.