Dreams and Paperbags


      As I brushed off yet another blind date interview, I coin it blind date because neither party knows anything about each other nor you are made to jump through hoops of fire only to walk away feeling like you wasted an hour of your life. I thought about my early dreams back in school. My love for music painted me dreams of being a sound engineer, I thought it would be the perfect job not knowing what a mathematical and scientific mind one has to have to pull it off. I had even designed my own recording studio I was going to set up in New York “Lucky Lady Studios”.

   My other pie and the sky dream was to be a psychologist. Then and still today, totally fascinated with human behavior and that includes my own. Due to my lack of direction, my absentee enthusiasm and hidden resources, anything that required further schooling I shredded and left the debris on the ground. As the ink on my diploma dried my lateral spiral to mediocre came into focus. It has been one grunt job after another and I graveled and hooped danced for them too. That is the equivalent to getting a really bad haircut and giving the follicle butcher a nice tip.

    I so regret not pursuing my psychologist dream. My armchair analogy of all that is I was afraid of being successful, I had no self -esteem and felt I needed to be on the couch not in the chair assessing others. I felt still do perhaps that a doctor of the mind, keeper of behaviors should be somewhat balanced and I wasn’t then and not sure I am now to perform such a job. I wonder how much different my life would be now had gone after that dream. I even pull that thread into my writing. Had I furthered my education in all the writing courses would I now be a celebrated author?  Had I not been scared off by the number of years of schooling or money it would take to be a psychologist would life had played out like I wanted it to?

Okay, so my shot at being a sound engineer and a psychologist are out but I still have a chance at being an author. Wait, I have a self-published book out there and in the wings a poetry book so at least I’m pulling that thread or accomplished something. Now back to fighting my way out of this paper bag

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