Heart Divorce


I see all the time people publicly displaying their grief over a loved one. Whether it’s something they pulled from online re-enforcing sympathy or a stay of suspended grief, they speak or post as if it just happened though it’s been years. I even witness them posting a Happy Birthday to a loved one that has passed on. It has been said that everyone mourns and handle grief in different ways and is given their own time frame in which to handle it.

 Al though I believe in things you can’t see or hear, my understanding of when somebody passes on with maybe a an exception of a sudden death, that they are truly no longer part of this universe and they cannot see or hear us; they are on a different plain. Not going to go into the Heaven Hell aspect just that their soul is no longer able to interact with us. I do feel though that they can peek in on us through angels. I can come off looking and sounding unsympathetic sometimes concerning death and dying and I have often tried to understand why I am so rational about it and why others come unglued which is why I try to stay aloof sometimes so if and when someone I deeply love passes I won’t become unglued.

  Since the computer and social media it is a common thing now to see people trying to handle the loss of a loved one, I see it daily. I have sat back and felt sad for them and silently prayed for them to get in a place of acceptance sort of speak. All the public displays of affection saying I love, I miss and wishing them a happy birthday only makes me think that they are still trying to accept. In my mind because I am in a different place or state of mind I sometimes can’t understand why they can’t accept and move on.

   Up until just recent I felt I was not like the public mourners, thinking I was above that somehow. In going over many of my poems for an upcoming book, some I have posted and many I have not, I noticed that 97% of my poetry revolve around one person who rattled me so both good and bad. For years he had been company and the source of many of my writings. Due to circumstances and Geographic’s actual contact was not a possibility but that does not stop a heart from feeling, it just makes a frustrating situation more frustrating.  As I posted many on here, even though I didn’t get any responses I felt that somebody out there could relate.

   This past year or so I have heard less from my friend and feel that he had moved on. I feel that he is still amongst the living but no longer available to me much like when a loved one passes on. Now all the poems that read and bleed about loving and hurting revolving around him look and sound exactly like a person in mourning and not able to move on. Logically, my head tells me every day that he is not coming back and I need to let go but my heart holds me back because I fear I will never find someone like him again. I send him emails, short messages on our chat site but hear nothing back and so now I realize I am really no better off than the public mourners. I know things are over, I’m just waiting for my heart to release me.

 

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