Out of my Comfort Zone
I am on the verge on a special project that just may pull me into an area where I have thought about but because I lacked confidence and financial backing I kept it in dream mode and carried on with my black and white life. I am still nervous it won't take off the ground in fact, I'm scared shitless about it. Outside of obtaining material happiness like stuff I can go somewhere and buy I haven't attained the stuff that really matters like stability, financial security, or doing something I love and can do with ease as my job.
I am getting close to where I will be putting my dream on the line. It is both exhilarating and terrifying because I will be taking a huge risk and hoping it will pay off. I have never really gotten something I wanted. Love and a relationship I feel has passed me by and I have pretty much given up on that dream although I have not ruled anything out. I don't want to get stuck in that mindset. I don't want to wear the robe of self defeat because that would be like a self proclaiming prophecy. As far as the project on the table getting prepped for release, well, I am trying not to rush it just to be done and throw it out there.
I am allowing outside distractions from annoying anxiety attacks, getting revved up for a job interview that goes nowhere to difference of opinions and views with friends. I am trying to stay focused and for the most part I am but deep down I'm scared. I'm scared of being successful because I have never really been. I have been fearful of being in charge, taking real control of the steering wheel for someone else to drive so I could sit back and watch life go by.
I will admit I am enjoying the time away from conventional work to procure this endeavor and I like having the distractions because it gives me time to shift my attention then come back at my leisure feeling refreshed. Even when I come to the close of my project I have a lot of going back over and tweaking and revisions and the closer I get to doing that the more scared I get. What will my life be like if this actually happens? If my dream comes true, will that change who I am now? Will it force me to shed my hermit like life and live life like a normal social creature?
I am getting close to where I will be putting my dream on the line. It is both exhilarating and terrifying because I will be taking a huge risk and hoping it will pay off. I have never really gotten something I wanted. Love and a relationship I feel has passed me by and I have pretty much given up on that dream although I have not ruled anything out. I don't want to get stuck in that mindset. I don't want to wear the robe of self defeat because that would be like a self proclaiming prophecy. As far as the project on the table getting prepped for release, well, I am trying not to rush it just to be done and throw it out there.
I am allowing outside distractions from annoying anxiety attacks, getting revved up for a job interview that goes nowhere to difference of opinions and views with friends. I am trying to stay focused and for the most part I am but deep down I'm scared. I'm scared of being successful because I have never really been. I have been fearful of being in charge, taking real control of the steering wheel for someone else to drive so I could sit back and watch life go by.
I will admit I am enjoying the time away from conventional work to procure this endeavor and I like having the distractions because it gives me time to shift my attention then come back at my leisure feeling refreshed. Even when I come to the close of my project I have a lot of going back over and tweaking and revisions and the closer I get to doing that the more scared I get. What will my life be like if this actually happens? If my dream comes true, will that change who I am now? Will it force me to shed my hermit like life and live life like a normal social creature?