Now What?

well it's day two of the new year, feels like any other day to me. I am not all teary eyed or compelled to navigate my day towards songs or writings that keep my focused on what was or wispery hopes of what I want . I have nothing etched out for the day, a few errands perhaps but nothing to really distract me. I am in a better state of mind than I was yesterday or even new years eve, me locking myself in is not to avoid human contact but to avoid spending money out of boredom or depression. I end up with food that lacks nutrition and stuff I don't really need. I know; way too logical but I'm not in a position really to just throw money and emotion into the wind.
  I am not one of those blessed individuals who can switch off feelings and cast off people who I have had a deep bond with. I am so much better at organizing and setting other people straight than I am for myself.  So much easier to give out advice than it is to take it. I always give off a strong front like it's a black and white issue but when it hits home for me there is always a hundred shades of gray that get in the way. I can not get back some of things I lost last year but I can get back my self respect and be more open to possibilities and learn to be not so co-dependent on people and situations because things change with or without your permission.
 

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