Getting Ugly
The hardest part of self discovery is finding out you have a bad quality or two and the best part is facing a reality and accepting it. For most people laying down their faults or just plain admitting that they fall short of being perfect often prevents growth or level ground for all parties to stand on. Our perception of ourselves is often not how others see us and when we get called out on a not so nice personality trait we automatically defend or try to reason out as to why we reacted the way we did and for some totally deny acting 3 shades of ugly. I don't always take ownership of my not so pleasant personality traits and when I do my humbling apology often meets with an inner struggle to melt down to someone Else's expectation. I am truly sorry for jumping or reacting the way I do often over a misunderstanding but if it's a re-occurring set up of poke and reaction well then it take on a different flavor.
I was set up the prior week to help out a "friend". She felt way too comfortable to ask me to help her out I guess deep down that kind of annoyed me because she has a habit of schmoozing up with me when she needs something. When her life is peachy keen and going like she wants it I don't really hear from her. I really didn't want to play her taxi driver but I agreed anyways. I wasn't overloaded with job interviews and it got me out of the apartment for a bit. Three hours before the actual pick up time I text her and I get no response back so I shoot her out another text still nothing. In my mind I automatically feel she's ignoring me because I have been out with her and she drops what ever she's doing to respond back to a text or call. After sending out a surge of texts to her and not getting one back I am now more than agitated. As I get dressed to head out to pick her up anyways even though there has been no communication whats so ever. I'm not thinking logically that something could be wrong with the phones I'm thinking she's just not in any rush to respond back which has pissed me off. I get there early and figure when its time she'll be out but I shoot out a couple more texts then I finally get one from her asking if I got any of her messages. Up until that one I had received nothing, no texts no calls. She explains to me that she re scheduled her appointment and she doesn't need the ride and that they sent people home early and shes not there. Not fully understanding the scope of communication breakdown due to my phone having issues I freak out feeling like she knew in advance and didn't bother to tell me. I made the effort to drive her to her destination I showed up and she acted like no biggie oh well. I guess that's what sent me over the edge.
I lashed out and told her never to ask anything of me again and I shut the phone off and drove home. I later received a bunch of texts from her explaining that she left me messages to check my voicemail and she ended up saying the one thing that enrages me, telling me how to feel. I did over react I will admit, I felt I was doing her a favor and she didn't have the decency to tell em plans were changed. Come to find out that she did try calling me I had two voice mails( my phone never rang). I did find it odd that up until I was in the parking lot waiting for her that any kind of text went through. Long story short I did apologize for jumping the gun explaining my phone was to blame for messages not being received but by then the damage was done.
I feel bad for over reacting but deep down in my heart I feel my so called friendship with her was fading out anyways. Even if she gets over all this or if I find a way to forgive myself the truth is we don't warrant anything to validate the friendship except use each other. I wanted to do girlie stuff with her but was pretty much reduced to renfest and when nothing or nobody else around grub at a pub.
I do over react to situations that is fact. I am not as laid back and easy going as people want me to be or as casual as I want to be. I am hoping to have those wrinkles smoothed out before I die one day
I was set up the prior week to help out a "friend". She felt way too comfortable to ask me to help her out I guess deep down that kind of annoyed me because she has a habit of schmoozing up with me when she needs something. When her life is peachy keen and going like she wants it I don't really hear from her. I really didn't want to play her taxi driver but I agreed anyways. I wasn't overloaded with job interviews and it got me out of the apartment for a bit. Three hours before the actual pick up time I text her and I get no response back so I shoot her out another text still nothing. In my mind I automatically feel she's ignoring me because I have been out with her and she drops what ever she's doing to respond back to a text or call. After sending out a surge of texts to her and not getting one back I am now more than agitated. As I get dressed to head out to pick her up anyways even though there has been no communication whats so ever. I'm not thinking logically that something could be wrong with the phones I'm thinking she's just not in any rush to respond back which has pissed me off. I get there early and figure when its time she'll be out but I shoot out a couple more texts then I finally get one from her asking if I got any of her messages. Up until that one I had received nothing, no texts no calls. She explains to me that she re scheduled her appointment and she doesn't need the ride and that they sent people home early and shes not there. Not fully understanding the scope of communication breakdown due to my phone having issues I freak out feeling like she knew in advance and didn't bother to tell me. I made the effort to drive her to her destination I showed up and she acted like no biggie oh well. I guess that's what sent me over the edge.
I lashed out and told her never to ask anything of me again and I shut the phone off and drove home. I later received a bunch of texts from her explaining that she left me messages to check my voicemail and she ended up saying the one thing that enrages me, telling me how to feel. I did over react I will admit, I felt I was doing her a favor and she didn't have the decency to tell em plans were changed. Come to find out that she did try calling me I had two voice mails( my phone never rang). I did find it odd that up until I was in the parking lot waiting for her that any kind of text went through. Long story short I did apologize for jumping the gun explaining my phone was to blame for messages not being received but by then the damage was done.
I feel bad for over reacting but deep down in my heart I feel my so called friendship with her was fading out anyways. Even if she gets over all this or if I find a way to forgive myself the truth is we don't warrant anything to validate the friendship except use each other. I wanted to do girlie stuff with her but was pretty much reduced to renfest and when nothing or nobody else around grub at a pub.
I do over react to situations that is fact. I am not as laid back and easy going as people want me to be or as casual as I want to be. I am hoping to have those wrinkles smoothed out before I die one day