Virtual Friend
This week although not over yet by any means, has been filled with high end stress and anxiety but is balancing outto where I am not grinding my teeth and losing sleep. There has noy been any job offer or hint of a decent employment nibble and not a peep or resolve regarding my unemployment benefits that's being held hostage due to system proceedure. Infact neother of those two impending issues, employment and unemployment benefits have been resolved; they are still weighing on my shoulders. I have not given up seeking employment but I have stopped banging my head against the wall trying to get the system to acknowledge that I am borrowing money and leaning on my credit cards because they see no urgency in my case. I refuse to get all roweled up over yhis again. I have done all that I can do and now I just exhale and pray.
What ruffled my feathers earlier this week was a request from a what I call a virtual friend. Virtual meaning, phone, text, email and on rare occaisons on her dire need and availability only, in person at some eating and drinking establishment. We share the same sense of humor but not so much the same sense of loyalty. I think in her mind she sees us as devoted friends but I keep getting a different view, a repeat of reality that as time goes on I can't step over and pretend.
On the outside it was a simple request, perhaps one made out of desperaton. I do understand that she feels she's in a situation and felt because I have some time on my hands and a car that i would be so open and willing to free up her anxiety of s possible uneasiness between her and her boyfriend. Just for the record, if I felt for one second that she would end the mockery of what she calls a working relationship between her nad him I would have considered saying yes to her request. I was also bothered a great deal over that I was in dire need of a friend and I don't mean over the phone or text chatting and she knew and twice within a months time she made references to getting together for a girls night and that only was put on the table because she yet again made a discovery about her boyfriend that was upsetting but when it came time to actually get together for that girls night it never happend because she chose to be with him.
Don't get me wrong, I have no issue with a friend opting to be with her man instead of me but I do take issue with being told one thing then dealt another especially when I reach out in my time of need and get empty promises. I don't beleive her relationship would have ended had she chose to hang out with me for a little bit since there was nothing etched in stone with her boyfriend. She knew I was very upset about being let go from yet another job and disraught over my unemployment benefits but because she stuck her head up her boyfriends but yet again I was emliminated from the line up. I didn't see any alliance or devotion to mewhen I needed her the most and now because she once again made a earth shattering discovery about her boyfriend regarding his habitual lying she suddenly doesn't trust him with her car while she's away for a few days and felt free to ask me to be her shuttle to the airport.
It dawned on me that all the times she reached out to me under the guise of being concered for my well being, it was never about me. The underlying reachout was about her eye opening discoveries about her boyfriend.Her reachout and chat session which lasted for the length of her ide to go pick him up was really a prelude to her asking me for a huge favor. I think had she just once had gone out of her way for me I would have said yes but after much thought and pacing the floor I said no. I shut her down. I have not heard back from her since and I am not expecting to and I'm ok with that.
I don't take friendship lightly and I don't easily dismiss some one because of a few things they might have said or done but I also see things in truth which sucks because it forces me to accept reality which for me right now also sucks. Yes, I have been a bit edgey since losing my job andnot having money but I think I still would feel the same about my virtual friend as I do now. I was noticing and feeling the gaps and inbalances when I was employed and had money but now because I don't have the distractions I have taken off the rose colored glasses and see things as they are.
No, at my age and position I can not afford to throw away friendships but hanging onto someone because you might not have anyone and pretending things are ok when they are not is not affordable either.
What ruffled my feathers earlier this week was a request from a what I call a virtual friend. Virtual meaning, phone, text, email and on rare occaisons on her dire need and availability only, in person at some eating and drinking establishment. We share the same sense of humor but not so much the same sense of loyalty. I think in her mind she sees us as devoted friends but I keep getting a different view, a repeat of reality that as time goes on I can't step over and pretend.
On the outside it was a simple request, perhaps one made out of desperaton. I do understand that she feels she's in a situation and felt because I have some time on my hands and a car that i would be so open and willing to free up her anxiety of s possible uneasiness between her and her boyfriend. Just for the record, if I felt for one second that she would end the mockery of what she calls a working relationship between her nad him I would have considered saying yes to her request. I was also bothered a great deal over that I was in dire need of a friend and I don't mean over the phone or text chatting and she knew and twice within a months time she made references to getting together for a girls night and that only was put on the table because she yet again made a discovery about her boyfriend that was upsetting but when it came time to actually get together for that girls night it never happend because she chose to be with him.
Don't get me wrong, I have no issue with a friend opting to be with her man instead of me but I do take issue with being told one thing then dealt another especially when I reach out in my time of need and get empty promises. I don't beleive her relationship would have ended had she chose to hang out with me for a little bit since there was nothing etched in stone with her boyfriend. She knew I was very upset about being let go from yet another job and disraught over my unemployment benefits but because she stuck her head up her boyfriends but yet again I was emliminated from the line up. I didn't see any alliance or devotion to mewhen I needed her the most and now because she once again made a earth shattering discovery about her boyfriend regarding his habitual lying she suddenly doesn't trust him with her car while she's away for a few days and felt free to ask me to be her shuttle to the airport.
It dawned on me that all the times she reached out to me under the guise of being concered for my well being, it was never about me. The underlying reachout was about her eye opening discoveries about her boyfriend.Her reachout and chat session which lasted for the length of her ide to go pick him up was really a prelude to her asking me for a huge favor. I think had she just once had gone out of her way for me I would have said yes but after much thought and pacing the floor I said no. I shut her down. I have not heard back from her since and I am not expecting to and I'm ok with that.
I don't take friendship lightly and I don't easily dismiss some one because of a few things they might have said or done but I also see things in truth which sucks because it forces me to accept reality which for me right now also sucks. Yes, I have been a bit edgey since losing my job andnot having money but I think I still would feel the same about my virtual friend as I do now. I was noticing and feeling the gaps and inbalances when I was employed and had money but now because I don't have the distractions I have taken off the rose colored glasses and see things as they are.
No, at my age and position I can not afford to throw away friendships but hanging onto someone because you might not have anyone and pretending things are ok when they are not is not affordable either.