Observer
I wonder sometimes what people really think of me. Am I being judged on what they know of me because of generic basic information or direct interactions with me. I ponder if they assess my total being by what I have established or by what i haven't been able to achieve. I even think about the people who think they know me, do they really? Do they know my trials and tribulations? There's not always something going on in my life like people around me and I don't always have a bag of interesting conversations to pull out and add. Most will take my silence as not being involved which for the most part is not true. If I feel that I have something to contribute or offer I will speak it if I don't have to fight for position to say it.
I'm a thinker and a writer and in almost every situation, every conversation, every current event there is alot of thoughts being bounced around in my head but I don't always blurt them out; some are private and not meant to be shared. I am also sometimes not fully knowledgeable about topics and won't even try to throw in my two cents in. Usually during those quiet times I am listening and gathering information. Often times when I am asked "What's new?" I freeze like a deer caught in the headlights. if there is nothing going on at the time I feel compelled to try to dig up something. I liken that to being asked at a job interview where I see myself five years from now or do an open essay about yourself. Routine perhaps , even an open invite to have the floor without interruption but it always catches me off guard.
Getting back to wondering what people really think of me. I know from experience that it's way too easy to make a quick judgement call on someone; put them in a category and label them this or that without understanding why they are or why they act like they act. I don't spend every minute of the day worried about what people think of me and I don't expect for everyone to play psychologist or psychic and figure me out but I do want some understanding and respect. I am not the most interesting woman alive, there are so many around me that fit that category. I am content for the most part of who I am.
I'm a thinker and a writer and in almost every situation, every conversation, every current event there is alot of thoughts being bounced around in my head but I don't always blurt them out; some are private and not meant to be shared. I am also sometimes not fully knowledgeable about topics and won't even try to throw in my two cents in. Usually during those quiet times I am listening and gathering information. Often times when I am asked "What's new?" I freeze like a deer caught in the headlights. if there is nothing going on at the time I feel compelled to try to dig up something. I liken that to being asked at a job interview where I see myself five years from now or do an open essay about yourself. Routine perhaps , even an open invite to have the floor without interruption but it always catches me off guard.
Getting back to wondering what people really think of me. I know from experience that it's way too easy to make a quick judgement call on someone; put them in a category and label them this or that without understanding why they are or why they act like they act. I don't spend every minute of the day worried about what people think of me and I don't expect for everyone to play psychologist or psychic and figure me out but I do want some understanding and respect. I am not the most interesting woman alive, there are so many around me that fit that category. I am content for the most part of who I am.