Inbetween
I am often caught between locking eye with reality and dancing around with fantasy. I have already many times over briefed myself on what my life is now and summing up what it might be like in the future. How I hope things will turn out doesn’t always match up to how things play out for me. I do have a pessimistic tone to how I perceive things pretty much through my life experience. I really don’t have a heads up as to what my future will be like but if I base it on what it is right now…. Well it’s not something I’m foaming at the mouth waiting for.
I know that comparing my life with those around me can sometimes inspire me to up my game and propel me forward but it can also make me dig my heels and try to force everyone to see it my way, accept me for just being me with out being compared to anyone or one upped. I am not saying that things can’t or won’t change in my favor but if I set my goal thinking that there’s always going to be someone that will accommodate a need of mine disappointment is right around the corner. Many of my earlier decisions which looking back wasn’t really my direct decision. The opportunities of an active social life or love life was never something I openly dodged it was never really on the offering.
I went into a long clip of desperation after waking up in my late thirties wanting to have what everybody else had. Since nobody was perusing me I got proactive and started to pursue what I thought would be fun and someday land me a lock tight relationship, maybe security. All that spinning my wheels in the mud just made me realize even more that I am so far from getting a need met and now that everyone see me as not wanting what they all have I now have to try 500 times harder to try to prove them wrong.
I am right now in a resting period as far as trying to land a man to be with. I am going through career and financial transitions not to mention emotional. I am being pulled through many changes and trying to make adjustments. I have to admit that I do get a bit jealous when I see and hear people getting everything of their hearts desire with very little effort and then while I’m licking my wounds I realize that compared to some who have it worse than me’ I’m ok. I am not giving up on re-establishing career and finance but I am backing down trying to be something I am not just to feel part of.
I know that comparing my life with those around me can sometimes inspire me to up my game and propel me forward but it can also make me dig my heels and try to force everyone to see it my way, accept me for just being me with out being compared to anyone or one upped. I am not saying that things can’t or won’t change in my favor but if I set my goal thinking that there’s always going to be someone that will accommodate a need of mine disappointment is right around the corner. Many of my earlier decisions which looking back wasn’t really my direct decision. The opportunities of an active social life or love life was never something I openly dodged it was never really on the offering.
I went into a long clip of desperation after waking up in my late thirties wanting to have what everybody else had. Since nobody was perusing me I got proactive and started to pursue what I thought would be fun and someday land me a lock tight relationship, maybe security. All that spinning my wheels in the mud just made me realize even more that I am so far from getting a need met and now that everyone see me as not wanting what they all have I now have to try 500 times harder to try to prove them wrong.
I am right now in a resting period as far as trying to land a man to be with. I am going through career and financial transitions not to mention emotional. I am being pulled through many changes and trying to make adjustments. I have to admit that I do get a bit jealous when I see and hear people getting everything of their hearts desire with very little effort and then while I’m licking my wounds I realize that compared to some who have it worse than me’ I’m ok. I am not giving up on re-establishing career and finance but I am backing down trying to be something I am not just to feel part of.