Chat mate
As I was going through my documents and files weeding out my beginer resumes and stuff I downloaded from agencies, I came face to face with a bunch of old conversations I took the time to preserve. I liken it to canning and freezing your favorite foods so when it's out of season you ahve those out of stock ahrd to find items.I used to read and re-read those preserved conversations during conversational droughts or to try to find where I went wrong.
They hung around my document file and everytime I needed to pull up a resume there they were and everytime I would glance at the list of conversations then scroll past them all. Today along with photos and stupid downloads I gathered up those portions of my life that for what ever reason I clung to and deleted them. They may not have been hurting me to have them around but it wasn't helping me either. The silly chats and explosive arguements that took place I can close my eyes and remember them, not dates, time frames or word for word but I remember.
There were many disagreements and misunderstandings and I chose to freeze frame them at the time so I could try to fix what I felt was broken. I actually did see a pattern I just had no clue how tocorrect it so things that started with hugs and giggles wouldn't end it insults and bruised feelings. I confess, on the silly chats i kept close by so when ever my world got turned upside down i had that to read and smile on.
My world did get turned upside down and inside out and I didn't have my chat mate around to banter with infact I didn't have many people to banter with and I closed down and got to know me, my needs, my fears, my dreams blah blah blah. . No, I didn't lock myself in my bathroom and had a chat with myself; it all bled through my writing. The best part was when I realized why I behaved like I did and what I needed to do to stop it. Now that I feel I'm in a different mindset than I was I no longer needed those conversations.
They hung around my document file and everytime I needed to pull up a resume there they were and everytime I would glance at the list of conversations then scroll past them all. Today along with photos and stupid downloads I gathered up those portions of my life that for what ever reason I clung to and deleted them. They may not have been hurting me to have them around but it wasn't helping me either. The silly chats and explosive arguements that took place I can close my eyes and remember them, not dates, time frames or word for word but I remember.
There were many disagreements and misunderstandings and I chose to freeze frame them at the time so I could try to fix what I felt was broken. I actually did see a pattern I just had no clue how tocorrect it so things that started with hugs and giggles wouldn't end it insults and bruised feelings. I confess, on the silly chats i kept close by so when ever my world got turned upside down i had that to read and smile on.
My world did get turned upside down and inside out and I didn't have my chat mate around to banter with infact I didn't have many people to banter with and I closed down and got to know me, my needs, my fears, my dreams blah blah blah. . No, I didn't lock myself in my bathroom and had a chat with myself; it all bled through my writing. The best part was when I realized why I behaved like I did and what I needed to do to stop it. Now that I feel I'm in a different mindset than I was I no longer needed those conversations.