Choices
We make choices on a daily basis, as an adult that is one of the privileges of being of age. Having to decide for ourselves sometimes during times when making a decision is done out of haste, out of love, fear, desperation and yes, anger. Often we are put in a position to make snap judgements and knee jerk reactions to stimuli that cast ripples affecting our lives for years to come. We start our quest for independence as toddlers learning real quick what brings on smiles and rewards to frowns and light taps of disapproval on the hands. By the time we enter our teens we are doing a tug of war with our parents for our space, our choices. The more freedom we are allotted the chances of us screwing up and making bad choices begin to open up then. There is however, an unspoken immunity for kids and teens. Twenty one is the cut off where your choices good or bad regardless of the reasons seem to shape shift who you are and follow you through out your life.
I do believe that people can change their life around or change a situation once thought of as compromising to work in their favor. Once again our choices, how we act and react and what we do to follow up those decisions can cast shadows and add weight to our shoulders or open up new possibilities and security, a sense of peace.Nobody really knows for sure what they decide to say or do will provoke, we can assume what will happen, speculate a person's reaction based on past responses but when we make a choice we need to be prepared for the outcome good or bad.
I think about my life and all the choices I have made. A majority of my earlier choices based on low self esteem and anger lead me down some pretty dark paths. There were no drug or breaking the law issues just having no direction and thinking that someone somewhere will discover me floundering around and save me. My decision to do nothing opened up new levels of struggles and confrontations. I didn't get it then but I do now that not making a choice or stepping up to responsibility is indeed a choice. Everything we do and don't do from what we wear to what we eat, what we say how we say what we say even right down to whether we like the toilet paper over and under boils down to choice.
When the shit hits the fan and we are left with the clean up we get to own up and be truth full admitting we royally scewed up. I made a legacy of poor decisions, regardless of the excuses or in my mind the valid reasons I screwed up. All my coward take the easy route, the non evasive path, my mediocre existence haunted me then and still does. So, why bare my inner most deepest pain full truths? Why release a deep dark secret? I am at a stage in my life where I am once again placed in a position to re- examine how I ended up dog paddling in the deep end and why I keep being thrown in that position. I would love to continue to place blame on the people that were involved in most of my poor choices but it really comes down to me and do i dare say....fate.
I do believe that people can change their life around or change a situation once thought of as compromising to work in their favor. Once again our choices, how we act and react and what we do to follow up those decisions can cast shadows and add weight to our shoulders or open up new possibilities and security, a sense of peace.Nobody really knows for sure what they decide to say or do will provoke, we can assume what will happen, speculate a person's reaction based on past responses but when we make a choice we need to be prepared for the outcome good or bad.
I think about my life and all the choices I have made. A majority of my earlier choices based on low self esteem and anger lead me down some pretty dark paths. There were no drug or breaking the law issues just having no direction and thinking that someone somewhere will discover me floundering around and save me. My decision to do nothing opened up new levels of struggles and confrontations. I didn't get it then but I do now that not making a choice or stepping up to responsibility is indeed a choice. Everything we do and don't do from what we wear to what we eat, what we say how we say what we say even right down to whether we like the toilet paper over and under boils down to choice.
When the shit hits the fan and we are left with the clean up we get to own up and be truth full admitting we royally scewed up. I made a legacy of poor decisions, regardless of the excuses or in my mind the valid reasons I screwed up. All my coward take the easy route, the non evasive path, my mediocre existence haunted me then and still does. So, why bare my inner most deepest pain full truths? Why release a deep dark secret? I am at a stage in my life where I am once again placed in a position to re- examine how I ended up dog paddling in the deep end and why I keep being thrown in that position. I would love to continue to place blame on the people that were involved in most of my poor choices but it really comes down to me and do i dare say....fate.